Life is a wave.

Somebody told me that life was like a coloring book…

Really? Is that so? Like in a sense that it comes from the dollar store or has distorted images of superman running through it? Maybe horses with wings or little Toy Story doodles. Sounds like a manufactured life to me. A paper dream. Something depressed folk singers sing about, and not in the good way. What do you wish for when what you’re supposed to wish for is already written down? Already predicted? Already ‘lined’ out by someone who doesn’t know you at all.

A coloring book? Like seriously? Not in my book.  Pun intended.

No. Life is a wave. Go to the beach and contemplate it. I think that the many different prospects of a wave beat out the many different prospects of a coloring book. Scratch that, a coloring book has very few prospects.

Life is a wave.

You stand there and watch it come towards you with a million thoughts running through your head. it’s beautiful and full of colors and expressions and feelings, but it’s intimidating and sometimes scary… it’s predictable only in the sense that you have an idea of when it might come and what it might look like and where it might go -but might is never a good word to stand by.  It can make you think crazy thoughts for a minute before you find ground again, it can make you feel like you can fly, it can make you laugh or cry, make you misrable or remember some of the greatest moments that you’ve ever been through. And when it’s about to hit you, you find yourself wondering if it will sting, if it will knock you down, or if it will be refreshing and fun in the normally calm and comforting realm of your existence. Or maybe you’ll get lucky and you won’t see it coming -you’ll just get to take it as it comes and make the best of it.

Life is a wave.  Surf’s up!

Love,

Alice

I'm feeling a bit poetic today...

I don't know about you, but occasionally I get the urge to write a poem. Probably only once or twice a year. I usually stick to songs or blogging or writing fiction, but I try not to limit myself. One day I will be a famous author. That would be amazing. Okay, maybe just a published author, I could be very happy with that! 

Anyhow, my moment of poetic glory:



It’s not the things you think you want,
it’s not the things you say you need,
it’s not the boy you’re chasing after,
it’s the one who disagreed.

It’s not the house on the hill,
it’s not the fancy foreign car,
it’s the walk along the road
with your best friend under the stars,

it’s not the future you imagined,
it’s not the ideas that make it great,
it’s the little moments and the people
you don’t miss till it’s too late.

Why are we blind
To see what we’ve missed
Till we’re standing there alone
Stuck in our reminiscence

Why is the past always brighter
Though the shadows were certainly there
Why does the future seem more special
Than the presence that we share

Why do we question those around us
Why do we search every face
Looking so hard for something
That will simply fall into place

Appreciates the moments
Ignore the fear and strife
Be happy for these moments
Because these moments are your life.

Love,
Alice

Small Town U.S.A.

This weekend is Labor Day. The last official barb-e-que weekend of Summer. It's funny, the older I get the less exciting Summer becomes. This summer, between work and 2nd-job hunting and hanging with my hunny and squeezing in time to see my friends, 3 months of hot weather just disappeared. I didn't even go swimming. I'm actually relieved that rain will be coming soon simply because of all the stupid fires we've been having this year. Twelve fires. Mother nature has let us down.

When I was a teenager, every new summer was an adventure. No one expected anything of me, volunteer summer jobs seemed like less work and more of a time to visit with co-workers and talk about everything that we had done the previous weekend. It was a time for flings, summer camps, short lived hobbies, weddings, road trips, local festivities and something new every weekend. When the summer ended at the County Fair on Labor Day weekend, it was like putting a dog to sleep. Everyone was devastated. And therefor September was awful being saddled with schoolwork once more and October was spent trying to figure out how to make the next summer even more epic.

That makes it sound as though my friends and I had no life. In fact, we actually did some cool stuff. Went on road trips at age 16 with my friends over Thanksgiving break (no idea what our folks were thinking, letting us take off like that.) we did some awesome photography together, played in the snow, swam in the creek in the middle of winter, we went horseback riding, we carpooled to the next County over because they had a shopping mall and we didn't. We spent our weekends singing in coffee shops and going out together. It wasn't a bad life, just a small town life. School. Work. Weekends. Repeat.

Now of course, those years are long gone. The only time I'll ever be close to those days again will probably be when my own teenage children get the summer bug and spend their days out with their friends. Then I'll feel really old. Now work is just a year long cycle, dates happen a few times a month and responsibility often gets in the way. Not bad problems to have, just adult problems. Too old to let my hair down, too young to get any respect. I'm at that funky middle age where I finally know what I want out of life -and now I need to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do on a day to day basis to get to that "rest of my life part". No college, remember? They don't write a manual on how to live your life without a degree. I get to write it by myself!

My Fiance' is making fun of the word "Blog." and we're debating who came up with the word. I must go and win this battle now. Good day!

Love,
Alice

What is love?

Love.

To some people it’s a myth, a common object of disappointment, something that you can’t trust. Something easily defeated by illness, disaster and even simple human nature. But it wasn’t meant to provide immunity from fate or grief or pain, in fact it often is the cause of these things.

To others love is fun, simple, something you wear on your sleeve and take wherever you will that day. It’s different for everyone, but one thing’s for sure, it’s more than a feeling or a promise, more than a song you hear on the radio or a Nicholas Sparks novel -it’s a place in your heart. And if you leave your heart open, love will always find it’s way home.

So many people are confused, pained and even desperate. But trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with. Whatever happens, never be reckless with other people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. That’s not love. That’s not to say you won’t get your heart broken. I’ve come to find that nearly everybody gets their heart broken at least once. You fall in love with someone and then suddenly it's over.  And it sucks, but you learn from it. In the beginning you learn to think that all good things end, that you can’t trust people and that sometimes lies are the worst possible weapons. To an extent those things are true, they teach you to protect yourself. Things you can’t possibly learn from anything except personal experience. You build defensive walls around your heart, you play your cards safe and give up easily. You pick up the pieces and put them away and swear you’ll never let it happen again.

Then something crazy happens. You actually fall again, but it’s better, because you know how to avoid some of the pain, you’ve learned, you know who you are a little more. You don’t let people take advantage of you the same way. Because broken hearts can’t be fixed by time. They can be numbed by time, but they have to be healed by someone who wants them to heal even more than you do. You learn that everything happens for a reason, that maybe the answers are more simple than you expected and that taking chances isn‘t as horrible as you remember. It‘s just life. In the words of Dr. Suess: “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

For most, the hard part is jumping into love. Standing on the edge looking down and wondering if it’s really worth what you might possibly go through before you hit the ground. God forbid you have to climb your way back to where you already were. What they don’t realize is that it doesn’t matter what will happen when you hit the ground, if you stumble, if you crash, if someone catches you or if you land on your feet. Someone will always be there to help you back up on your feet and moving forward again. What matters is how you spend the freefall. Make that time worthwhile, so that no matter how it ends, you wouldn’t trade that time for anything. That time makes us who we are, carves us into who we are supposed to be more than any other experience. Many things in life will catch your eye, very few will truly catch your heart. Don’t regret things that make you smile, and if the worst should happen, remember to learn from the tears that follow. So what is love? The exact definition? There really isn’t one. It’s different for each of us… That, I think, is what they mean by “Love conquers all.” It doesn’t fix everything, but it gives us hope, courage, passion, joy and integrity in our lives where there was none before.

And it's true. Because even with all the pain and suffering and emotional shit I've been through, somehow I've found real love, with an amazing man who makes me want to be a better person every day. Who makes me feel beautiful and needed and wonderful even when I don't believe want to believe it.  Who I can be myself with and have fun with even if we're doing nothing.  The one person who I am willing to spend the rest of my life getting to know a little better each day, with all my heart. So don’t frown, because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile.

“Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride” -Gary Allen.

Love,
Alice

30 To Life.

I'm not big on rules, making them, following them, anything like that. But through everything I've come across in life, I'll admit I've made a list of things I've discovered that really do count. Most of this applies to girls since, low and behold, I am one. But I think everybody could take a little something away from this list.

1. Take too many pictures.
2. Surround yourself with people who make you smile.
3. Work hard, play harder.
4. Never be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs.
5. Try to get along with everyone, but only keep your best friends closest.
6. Act like a lady, no matter what.
7. Nothing makes you feel smaller than a good adventure.
8. Things could always be worse.
9. there's a song for everything.
10. Some people are going to think that their problems are always bigger than yours, it's not worth your time to argue. Just walk away.
11. Sometimes the only thing that makes you feel free is riding a horse up in the mountains.
12. Wal-Mart was invented simply to run around and be crazy when it's too cold and wet to be crazy outside.
13. Sometimes life sucks, but everything will be okay in the end.
14. There is nothing more adorable than a little kid who knows how to smile at the little things in life.
15. Don't let people tell you what to wear, how to act or who you are. But listen to the people that you trust and hear what they have to say.
16. It's healthy to just ditch everything and take the day off sometimes.
17. Don't give up on people, but don't hang out with people who only make you feel bad about yourself.
18. Nothing conquers a bad mood quite like a five mile run and loud rock music.
19. Never underestimate the power of a long talk with a good friend.
20. There is always a second chance.
21. Enjoy the little things, especially when the whole world feels like it's spinning out of control.
22. Don't be afraid to take a stand for what you believe.
23. Pray before you go to bed, clear your mind and remind yourself that God is looking out for you.
24. You can't heal that empty spot in your chest by yourself. Everybody needs a little help sometimes.
25. Always have faith.
26. Don't lie.
27. Chocolate is a band-aid.
28. When a puppy licks your face, just let him. It's adorable, you can wash your face later.
29. It's okay to leave the house without makeup, less people care than you think.
30.Courage isn't always the loudest choice. Sometimes courage is just that little voice that says "I will try again tomorrow."

Love,
Alice

In a nutshell.

I used to be ashamed of what I looked like. Taller than average for a girl, athletic instead of stick thin, avoided makeup like the plague, and the color pink might as well have been my kryptonite.  It took years to get me to finally realize that I am stuck with me, no matter who I pretend to be.

So instead of denying who I was, I embraced it. Because lets face it, everybody's gonna laugh at a little chicken who tries to make everyone happy, but no one is going to try to push a peacock into being anything but itself. So out came the sundresses with the cowboy boots, the makeup, the leather jacket, the coffee house singing on Saturday nights and low and behold -some new friends. Friends who actually thought I was awesome for being me. And I haven't looked back since.

Not to say that I wake up every morning jumping out of bed exclaiming "I love being Alice!" (Even if I were the most optimistic morning person on the planet, I doubt I would say that.) But I know that bad days, drama, and rumors are just that. days, dramas and rumors. No one remembers or cares after a week. And I most certainly will not allow myself to get caught up in somebody else's petty issues. Unless of course I love them. But that's different.

So my people; let your freak flag fly. It's so much less stressful than trying to fit yourself into a mold that is clearly the wrong size and doesn't accentuate your awesomeness. Nothing is more uncomfortable than something that just does not fit. 

So don't fit in, stand out. It's worth it.

Love,

Alice

For once in my life I don’t have to try and be happy, when I’m with you it just happens.

Why do people judge you before they meet you? Why do they label you before they meet you? Why do they talk bad about you behind your back when you have done nothing wrong? Why do they take your friends and tell them lies to try to get you to stop hanging out with you? Makes a person wonder what hole these people have inside them that they feel the need to do those things. I don’t have those answers. To tell you the truth, I hope I never have those answers because that would make me one of them. One of those people that passes judgment on people they don’t know and spread lies about people they might have been friends with but now will never have the chance. 

Being friends isn't about where you come from, what you wear, what music you listen to, how you talk or what you look like. Being friends isn't about how long you've known someone, it isn’t about who you’ve been friends with before and it isn’t about who you’re starting to become friends with now. It’s about being with people who make you feel good about yourself. People who think you’re funny or nice or quirky or whatever, because they just want to hang out and they actually care about you. If you've been friends with someone for ten years and they’re not very nice anymore then maybe it’s time to drift away for a while. If you were friends with someone years ago and suddenly they’re in your life again, maybe it’s time to offer up a second chance. The best things in life are unexpected. 

The people that I've come to rely on the most, I wouldn’t have necessarily expected to meet -but I love them. I love all of them. The people who matter don’t judge me and the people who judge me don’t matter. They aren’t my judge. Unless they’ve lived my life they can’t judge me -because they don’t know, never have known and never will know every little thing and detail about me, about how where I’ve been and what I’ve done and what people have done to me has made me who I am. They can take it or leave it because this is what I am. I make mistakes, I’ve hurt people on accident, I’ve done things that I’m not proud of -but I’m not ashamed of who I am and I’ll never pretend to be who I’m not. 

Friendship has many memories, some good, some bad -but all important. A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, who sits next to you knowing that sometimes saying nothing says everything. Someone who doesn’t care who’s known you the longest or what time it is when they call you. Someone who understands your past when you’ve forgotten where you’ve been and believes in your future when you’re blind. Someone who will stop you from saying something you’ll regret but will jump out to defend you without fear of the consequences. Someone who’s brave enough to say exactly what’s on your mind, someone who grabs a shovel without question when you say you have a body to bury. Someone who holds your hand when you want to run away , someone who will run with you through the middle of the street in the pouring rain, someone who can tell the difference between a silly crush and something much more than that. Someone who will wave to random strangers and sing inappropriate songs at the top of their lungs in public just to make you laugh. Friends who keep your feet on the ground while you head’s in the clouds, and who believe in your dreams even if it means they might have to say goodbye at some point. Friends want what’s best for you…

Life's too short to be who you're not, it's too short to spend with people who don't care about you, or who you don't care about. Be happy in this moment, because this moment is your life.

Promises are everything but once they're broken, sorry means nothing. So here are the very few promises I'll ever make to a friend:
I promise to be the best me that I can be, and only me, no one else.
And I promise to be here for as long as you need me, be that days, months, or the rest of our lives.
Friends matter. Treat them right.

Love,
Alice

Who I am-

A little bit about myself...

Who are you reading about, you wonder? Lets call me Alice. That works just fine.

I love my guitar. I love my three best friends. I love coffee. I love driving fast down a dirt road. I love shooting guns. I love shopping. I love rock music. I love picking up my paycheck. I love zombie movies. I love writing. I love traveling. I love singing. I love the beach. And I love my fiance quite dearly.

But I wouldn't want you to think I'm all rainbows and stuff:

I hate distance. I hate mushrooms. I hate people who whine. I hate heights. I hate hypocrites. I hate feeling helpless. That's a big one; helplessness. That feeling where no matter how hard you work, how much you try,  nothing good comes of it. Life's a bitch. but if it were easy it'd be a slut, and no one wants that.

I live in a small town, the kind where you buy new converse and everybody knows. Even people who don't have Facebook. It's that small. I used to hate it, until I left for a while, travelling around to a few states, hopping from here to there, that's when you actually start to miss home.

I'm engaged to a United States Marine. He's a few years older than me, strong, funny, sexy as hell. Totally out of my league, in my mind. But he's my best friend, the one person I can tell anything to and know that he'll still be there even when we're at our worst. Unconditional love and all that.

I'm in my 20's, I'm the only one of my friends who's not in college, or even remotely interested in attend college. It's nothing personal, it's just the thought of sitting through class for hours at a time whilst falling deeper and deeper into debt is not an attractive proposition to me. Don't get me wrong, I am insanely proud of all of my college bound friends, it's just not for me. Not because I'm dumb, just because I like to make money more than spend it. And I love my job, and my boss. I won't tell you what it is though, because it sounds like a place where on the insanely dull and brainy go just for the excitement deprivision.

All in all, this is my life. The ups and downs of a small town girl with big plans, bigger dreams, and a Faith to match. Post 1: complete. I'll let y'all know what's up soon.

Love,
Alice