Change.

I've been around the block enough times to know that you can't expect things to stay the same way forever.  That friends will come and go whether you're kicking their lazy ass out or begging them to stay, that the control you think you have over circumstances is just a grand illusion built up by your mind to make you feel better about the choices that you made.  Because everything is where it's supposed to be, right? Sure. I'd like to think so.  I'd like to think that I'm paying my dues and that by the time I have a batch of my own hyper-confused, desperate children, that they'll wonder if I ever didn't have it all together.  A girl can dream, right?

The one nice thing about change, is when it actually changes for the better. When you meet a new friend who reminds you what it's like to chill out with someone who doesn't know all of your dark secrets, but you'd like to think that if they knew, they still wouldn't judge you.  The kind of friends that you can still get excited about things with, instead of mentally calculating how much each adventure is going to cost or where you're going to have to save their ass from this time.  Friends that are there for you as much as you are for them, because lets face it; it sucks to help a friend all weekend, and then have them not return your calls when you're sitting at home sobbing because something went wrong. Or everything is wrong. Or someone died.  You get my jist. 

I'm aware that life is supposed to be full of constant reevaluation, that jobs and interests will change an whatnot, that the shitty jobs won't last forever, and the good ones might just get better. That adversity will challenge your character, and hopefully build it into a better one.  A more faithful, loving, confident one. 

Change is hard, but I feel like I need a lot more of it right now, and I'm praying and praying, and I see it happening little by little, but I'm still left wanting. Does that make me a terrible person? Probably.  I sure feel like one. 

Here's to things getting better, little by little

Love,
Alice