Why do girls get hung up on guys who are bad for them? Seriously. I am a girl, and I've been that girl, and I got out, and I still don't freaking get it. He doesn't trust you, he isn't nice to you, he doesn't respect you, and then when you finally think that you're going to leave, he brings out the roses, takes you to dinner and makes you laugh. "Of course I love him, why can't he be like this all the time, no one else is going to love me, I guess it's not that bad, okay I'll stay." Yeah, because that makes sense. When you see your friends going through this crap, it all seems so clear to you. "Dump him! Leave his sorry ass! He's crushing your dreams and making you feel like you're worthless! It's not true! Just get away!" Yeah, that's what you tell your friend. To not let a man hold her back. But what about you? I've watched my friends go through this, I've watched them tell each other to get out, or that they're crazy, I've seen it all go downhill. It doesn't make sense.
It all comes down to self worth, but you can't run from yourself. You'll be with someone lame if you don't like yourself. You'll marry the first guy who makes you feel special if you don't pay any attention to it. Getting out of a bad relationship will either crush you or liberate you. The crushed ones slowly drag themselves back up, see what was really going on, and move forward. The liberated ones find somebody new, and start making stupid decisions right away. Relationships are tricky.
I think that my favorite way that I've heard it was in the book "The five love languages". Many variations of that book, all good, nay, fantastic. Love them. Anyhow, in the book it explains that during the first 6 months of any relationship is called the honeymoon phase (as if we all didn't already know that!) and in the honeymoon phase, you do not make ANY rash decisions. Because you are in a state of euphoric obsession, of which your partner can do no wrong. He's amazing, he treats me right, he takes me to dinner, he buys me things, he listens to me, my parents love him -OR she's so funny, she's so classy, she's not a bitch, she's the only one who's ever made me feel like this, she's so much fun. You get the idea?
Not to say that those things go away completely after six months, but you finally understand each other. Some days you get under peoples skin, God forbid that you move in together, you know everything sooner. Money opinions break out, one of you spends more than the other, one of you likes to go out more than the other, one of you cleans their clothes more often than the other, one yells more than the other, one eats totally different food than the other, one watches more tv than the other, one drinks more than the other, one expects more of the other. There is a lot of ground work that has to be covered before you can be truly happy together -and if you're reading this thinking that you don't have any of these problems, then I hate to break it to you- but you either haven't been with your person long enough yet, or worse you're not talking with your partner enough. Worse than that, maybe you have no differences. Maybe you are content to do everything together and to never speak with other people, maybe you are stuck in your own little love bubble and have no idea. It will all come out eventually. Love hurts, love's hard, and love isn't always pretty. But it is wonderful, and it is worth it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck guys.
Love,
Alice
No comments:
Post a Comment