One size fits all.

"Friendship isn't about being inseparable, it's being separated and nothing changes."

At age seventeen, I thought that this was like, the best friendship quote ever.  But most seventeen year olds are stupid.  Or at least, stupid about the things that they don't know out of lack of experience.  They are experienced in the life that they know, in school and friends and petty dating and big dreams.  But life? No.  The ones that still believe that people are good until proven bad, that teenage boys who wear leather jackets and smoke pot are capable of life long love and commitment, that you don't need to save money because getting a job after college will be easy, and that the friends you have now will be your best friends for life.

Fuck that.

Now sure, people aren't all bad, nice boys can wear leather jackets too, getting a job will happen but not fast or easily, and one of those friends might stick around.  One of these things probably happened to you, because just about everybody in my age group with a brain has admitted to one or two.  (The others are all idiots or drug addicts.) But in reality, a teenager's view of reality changes them into who they're going to be based on how many times they get screwed over by those around them.

I still believe that there are good people out there, but they have to prove that they're good first.  I am always suspicious.  I was always a jaded, pessimistic child.  None of that changed as I got older, I just learned that you can learn to trust people, but sometimes it will hurt when they fail you.  Because everybody's going to fail you once or twice.  Some people suck, and you don't give them a second chance to hurt you again, even if they apologize and you forgive them.  Some people screw up, but you're both willing to figure it out.   Wether a best friend makes a mistake, or someone you love doesn't know what to do, some people need help and you just move forward.

Most pot smoking, leather jacket wearing teenage boys will never grow up.  They will get a job at a hardware store and a dog and a roommate and take some classes at the community college and be content to live a mediocre life of moderate broke-ass partying and a possible damnit-now-I'm-stuck-with-you marriage to the first girl that they happen to knock up.  I mean, we always hope that they turn out better, but let's be serious.  Move on.  Get better taste in men.  And grow up.

I think the money one is something that you only learn the hard way, when you're trying to pay a bill and you realize that it's either a night out with your friends ooooor paying that lovely cell phone bill. Or filling up your gas tank. Or that car insurance. Or a medical bill. Or some morbid combination of any and all of those.  That's when you realize that you have to figure out your finances.  Now, this wasn't always a problem for me, I was extremely careful with my money, I just happen to own a truck that needed work done, insurance paid, and over $250.00 to put in the gas tank budgeted every month between commuting and driving around.  It all adds up.  And the better job you have, the more money you make, the easier it is to pay your bills.  It's easy enough to plan out, it takes some serious effort to implement, and I have it a little easier because I didn't go to college.  I don't have student loans to drown in, and I'm a little ahead of the game trying to figure out where my life is headed.  The college graduates who think that their life is going to fall together the day after they're done graduating? Cool story bro, let me know how that works out for you.  And good luck, you're gonna need it.

Those friends that you grew up with? Yeah about that... Have you ever noticed that nothing ever adds up with them anymore? You tell a bunch of "remember when" stories, laugh about stuff that you had in common five years ago, drop your maturity level to the embarrassingly low point of where it was the last time you were close with that person, and hope to God that you decided to meet them at a restaurant so that you can fill the awkward silences with coffee or food or something.  There's always that one person who want s to act like their life is better, even though they are as equally lame or worse off than you are.  Whether they're telling you to get money to go to school cause that's how they're surviving, telling you about their roommate and the parties that they go to, or whatever place they traveled to last year, it all levels out.  Nobody has their life together.  The ones that do? The ones who've made a substantial difference.  The one's who worked their way up the food chain, or got married, or bought a house, or started a family, or are sincerely happy with the direction that their life is headed.  Those people are doing alright. Those are the friends that you congratulate, but unless you went through any one of those things right along side them, you probably still have those awkward silences.  Because life is not a one-size-fits-all scenario, not in the least.  Whatever is going on in your life, don't be ashamed about it and don't be an asshole about it. Never be too embarrassed or too proud of your life.  It's your life.  It doesn't matter where these people are or were, everything changes.  Those friends that you had in high school? Hopefully they're doing great, but between college and jobs and life, I doubt you talk to them for an hour every single day like you used to.  Hopefully you're still connected  but don't try too hard if they're so opposite that you can't enjoy talking to them.  Because people grow, and people change, and people mature.  And some people don't.  The ones that still go get hammered and party every weekend? Yeah, leave those behind.  They'll catch up when they're ready.

I had some really fun friends in high school, and we had all had different dreams, and different plans, and we all laughed and cried and told each other that we'd all be best friends forever, no matter how far apart we were.  We were all lying, we just didn't know it yet.  And you know what, I absolutely love the friends I have right now.  I have the best girl-friend a girl could have, we met when we were teenagers, but didn't actually become close till we were both out of high school.  And I know that I can always count on her, because we've been through some tough growing-up moments that are a lot more important than things either of us dealt with in high school.  Life changing things, that none of our other friends have ever had to deal with. And maybe someday we'll grow apart, but I hope that never happens, because she's one of the most important people in my life.  If I stuck with my high school friends, I might not know her at all.  And that would have sucked.

So all in all, don't hold onto things or people or ideals that don't want or need you anymore.  Find new ones, appreciate the ones you have, move forward and don't look back.  Don't feel bad, and don't put more effort into something that doesn't want to give any back.  Just move on, and if you're lucky enough to be one of those people who completely embraces their differences, then don't ever change.

Love,
Alice