Longing.

Today I am full of longing.

For the ocean.
For the water.
For standing in the waves.
For sand that never seems to go away.
For the shorts and sweatshirts.
For the wind that whips your hair and numbs your face.
For warm hugs.
For hot chocolate.
For cliff climbing.
For my camera.
For editing.
For perfect messy moments.
For enough money to get there.
For time.

Oh for time...

I hope you find some, and share it with someone.

Love,
Alice

She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future.

That is me now. Or at least, who I try to be.

Because that's all I can ever try to be: Strong, dignified and fearless. Because by being those things, all other good things will follow. All I can ever do is stand up for myself, live with integrity, and trust God.  Because he will provide.  And all will be okay.

And it doesn't matter what other people say, because it's you that matter.  God put you on this earth for a reason and the fact that you are breathing is proof that you are wonderful and amazing that that you have great purpose in this world, to make a difference in people's lives.

Be the change you want to see in the world.  Be strong.  Be dignified.  Be fearless.

Because if you live in fear, shameful and weak, you can't accomplish anything for yourself or others.  Reach your hand out, and someone will help you.  Then maybe when you are okay, you can reach out to someone who needs you.

Love,
Alice

People.

Not to turn this into a wedding bitch blog, but seriously, wedding guest list are the single hardest part of throwing a wedding. All in the name of who to not offend. Not that anyone cares what I think. Do I really want my deranged great aunt there? Or the annoying little girl who does nothing but insult my religion every time she sees me? Or the old friend who I can't NOT invite because that would be more painful than not inviting her? It's so much more confusing than I thought it would be.

There are so many insane wants that get confused as needs when wedding planning. Seriously.

I don't need a million people.
I don't need an isle runner.
I don't need a fancy hall.
I don't need real flowers.
I don't need a ball gown.
I don't need a lot of things.

I need my fiance.
My Parents.
My brothers.
My sister's.
My close friends.
A pretty dress.
A preacher.
Some food.
Some music.
Some pictures to remember it all.

That's it.

It all seems so complicated. And it's driving me nuts. And I just want to be happy.

Sigh.

Goodnight everybody.

Love,
Alice

What is love?

Love.

To some people it’s a myth, a common object of disappointment, something that you can’t trust. Something easily defeated by illness, disaster and even simple human nature. But it wasn’t meant to provide immunity from fate or grief or pain, in fact it often is the cause of these things.

To others love is fun, simple, something you wear on your sleeve and take wherever you will that day. It’s different for everyone, but one thing’s for sure, it’s more than a feeling or a promise, more than a song you hear on the radio or a Nicholas Sparks novel -it’s a place in your heart. And if you leave your heart open, love will always find it’s way home.

So many people are confused, pained and even desperate. But trying to make someone fall in love with you is about as pointless as trying to control who you fall in love with. Whatever happens, never be reckless with other people’s hearts and don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. That’s not love. That’s not to say you won’t get your heart broken. I’ve come to find that nearly everybody gets their heart broken at least once. You fall in love with someone and then suddenly it's over.  And it sucks, but you learn from it. In the beginning you learn to think that all good things end, that you can’t trust people and that sometimes lies are the worst possible weapons. To an extent those things are true, they teach you to protect yourself. Things you can’t possibly learn from anything except personal experience. You build defensive walls around your heart, you play your cards safe and give up easily. You pick up the pieces and put them away and swear you’ll never let it happen again.

Then something crazy happens. You actually fall again, but it’s better, because you know how to avoid some of the pain, you’ve learned, you know who you are a little more. You don’t let people take advantage of you the same way. Because broken hearts can’t be fixed by time. They can be numbed by time, but they have to be healed by someone who wants them to heal even more than you do. You learn that everything happens for a reason, that maybe the answers are more simple than you expected and that taking chances isn‘t as horrible as you remember. It‘s just life. In the words of Dr. Suess: “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”

For most, the hard part is jumping into love. Standing on the edge looking down and wondering if it’s really worth what you might possibly go through before you hit the ground. God forbid you have to climb your way back to where you already were. What they don’t realize is that it doesn’t matter what will happen when you hit the ground, if you stumble, if you crash, if someone catches you or if you land on your feet. Someone will always be there to help you back up on your feet and moving forward again. What matters is how you spend the freefall. Make that time worthwhile, so that no matter how it ends, you wouldn’t trade that time for anything. That time makes us who we are, carves us into who we are supposed to be more than any other experience. Many things in life will catch your eye, very few will truly catch your heart. Don’t regret things that make you smile, and if the worst should happen, remember to learn from the tears that follow. So what is love? The exact definition? There really isn’t one. It’s different for each of us… That, I think, is what they mean by “Love conquers all.” It doesn’t fix everything, but it gives us hope, courage, passion, joy and integrity in our lives where there was none before.

And it's true. Because even with all the pain and suffering and emotional shit I've been through, somehow I've found real love, with an amazing man who makes me want to be a better person every day. Who makes me feel beautiful and needed and wonderful even when I don't believe want to believe it.  Who I can be myself with and have fun with even if we're doing nothing.  The one person who I am willing to spend the rest of my life getting to know a little better each day, with all my heart. So don’t frown, because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile.

“Life ain’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride” -Gary Allen.

Love,
Alice

30 To Life.

I'm not big on rules, making them, following them, anything like that. But through everything I've come across in life, I'll admit I've made a list of things I've discovered that really do count. Most of this applies to girls since, low and behold, I am one. But I think everybody could take a little something away from this list.

1. Take too many pictures.
2. Surround yourself with people who make you smile.
3. Work hard, play harder.
4. Never be afraid to sing at the top of your lungs.
5. Try to get along with everyone, but only keep your best friends closest.
6. Act like a lady, no matter what.
7. Nothing makes you feel smaller than a good adventure.
8. Things could always be worse.
9. there's a song for everything.
10. Some people are going to think that their problems are always bigger than yours, it's not worth your time to argue. Just walk away.
11. Sometimes the only thing that makes you feel free is riding a horse up in the mountains.
12. Wal-Mart was invented simply to run around and be crazy when it's too cold and wet to be crazy outside.
13. Sometimes life sucks, but everything will be okay in the end.
14. There is nothing more adorable than a little kid who knows how to smile at the little things in life.
15. Don't let people tell you what to wear, how to act or who you are. But listen to the people that you trust and hear what they have to say.
16. It's healthy to just ditch everything and take the day off sometimes.
17. Don't give up on people, but don't hang out with people who only make you feel bad about yourself.
18. Nothing conquers a bad mood quite like a five mile run and loud rock music.
19. Never underestimate the power of a long talk with a good friend.
20. There is always a second chance.
21. Enjoy the little things, especially when the whole world feels like it's spinning out of control.
22. Don't be afraid to take a stand for what you believe.
23. Pray before you go to bed, clear your mind and remind yourself that God is looking out for you.
24. You can't heal that empty spot in your chest by yourself. Everybody needs a little help sometimes.
25. Always have faith.
26. Don't lie.
27. Chocolate is a band-aid.
28. When a puppy licks your face, just let him. It's adorable, you can wash your face later.
29. It's okay to leave the house without makeup, less people care than you think.
30.Courage isn't always the loudest choice. Sometimes courage is just that little voice that says "I will try again tomorrow."

Love,
Alice