Helplessness, I believe I've merely touched on the matter that I despise that concept. That feeling of knowing that whatever happens, nothing that you do will help. Most times I can avoid that feeling, other times I feel like there's no way I can get away from it. Because helplessness simply breeds more helplessness, soon enough you're stuck in a hole.
In my case, it comes from sitting next to my best friend and even though we're having fun and talking and watching T.V., she's hurting. She's drowning in a pit of everything that's gone wrong, to a place where hope hides from you and waits for someone else to find it for you. A place where family breaks apart and home is a feeling that you can't remember and love is a myth. Love is a myth that's replaced with lies and angry words and repeats of "I'm sorry, I promise it'll never happen again baby". There's no comfort in that. And everything else goes wrong on top of that. Superficial wordly things that just add to the distress of everything else -cars, money, jobs, everything. Pretty soon you only listen to dark and angry music full of pain and profanity, because it's the only thing that will subdue the feelings. Before things go extreme.
That's where she is. Drowning. And even if I'm sitting right next to her, hugging her, telling her that everything will be okay and I'll never abandon her -sometimes it seems like I might as well be pounding on bulletproof glass while she sits inside the aquarium, deaf, with the water rising all around her. No amount of hope can find it's way into a cage like that. Hope floats, and sometimes you just don't have the strength to swim anymore. Sometimes drowning actually sounds kind of nice, because then you wouldn't have to hurt anymore. Then you wonder if anyone would care if you did drown. That's how these things happen.
All I can do is try to be there for her, try to be her rock in this windstorm. Try to show her that no matter how bad these things go, that life will improve. Things can always get better, and you don't have to let your own morals fall just because it's easier to blend in with your surroundings. You don't have to fail, even when you can't bear yourself to try anymore, you don't have to fail. Sometimes all I can do is pray for her, offer to help her in anything that she needs. Show her that she can succeed, and that people do love her. Because no matter how hard a day is, if you wake up the next morning then you are a success, because the Lord still has plans for you.
These are concepts that are difficult for many people to grasp; a pain and self loathing that runs so deep that you don't know how you got there and you don't know how to get out. Maybe you don't even care to get out. I've been there before, if enough pain and rejection and lies enter your life, you're bound to find that place. It's a dark place, sometimes people just can't find you before it's too late. Sometimes you forget that there is a plan for you, that you're alive for a reason. In a way you become the opposite of who you used to be, because all of the help that you've tried to give has been thrown back in your face, turning you into a selfish and self serving person -because naturally, no one can feel as hurt as you. Everyone is fighting their own battles, never underestimate the depth of someone's pain because you just might be their only hope.
Sometimes it's easy to assume that they will be okay, to simply pray that God will put someone in their life to help them and move on from the issue. But what if God put YOU in their life to help them? What if you are that one person, and you walk away. You can't walk away. You can push away the guilt and the feelings from it all, but what if they take extreme measures? What if they give up? Could you handle the guilt of knowing that you had a part in that? No. Very few people can. Do for them what you would want someone to do for you, should you ever find that dark place.
1 Corinthians 10:13:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Matthew 11:28-30:
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."
Isaiah 41:10:
'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Jeremiah 29:11-13:
'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. 'Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 'And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
Be their light, don't give up. Show them that they're not alone.
Love,
Alice
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