Being a parent is tough stuff, I get that. No I'm not a parent, and I don't plan to be until I've lived my life and can happily dedicate every single day to my child. THEN, I will be a parent. I don't ever want to resent the tiny human that I'm raising to be a respectable member of society.
Parents are slacking off, it's obvious, or the word "Swag" wouldn't be as popular of a word as it is today. Girls today have the sense to idolize the strong femininity of Marilyn Monroe but lack the courage to even try to emulate her humor, innocence or outlook on life. Instead, they blend with their friends while they dress and act in a way that makes Record company CEOs produce songs that refer to them as "Bitchez and hos". That is the general population of the fourteen to nineteen age bracket for young women today. The ones who are strong and attractive and faithful in their own way? No one wants to talk about them, because they are quiet and deemed boring. Girls desperately want the love and respect of a man but don't know how to get it or how they actually deserve to be treated -hence the term "Daddy issues". They go looking for something, trying to prove a point, and should they loop a young man into their personal issues, they drag them down as well. Generally the young men are five to ten years older than they are, and fighting against their natural inner needs because they genuinely want to make the poor girl feel better. But it all goes down from there: Girl breaks up with guy, guy goes into downward tailspin, girl finds new guy who treats her badly, girl feels even lonelier, Dad still doesn't know why his daughter has problems and refuses to diagnose that it's actually all his fault. Yes, it all leads back to the parents.
The same with men. Mothers generally try to do the right thing, unlike men they are born with the need to take care of their children, a connection that takes a lot to break. But about half of the women in the country fall into something that declines their motherly skills, whether it be drugs, alcohol, sex, money, partying, or even a seemingly got-it-all-together woman who puts her career before her family. Their daughters will generally forgive them for their absence, and find their typical growing-up questions answered by Aunts, Grandmothers, friends or friends' moms. The girls become a little more loose, hoping for their mother's attention, but will still be okay. The sons of these women? The majority of them have "Mommy issues" -which stem from the lack of, well, mothering. Many women expect their sons to be more observant of their surrounding males, they expect them to be okay growing up and "do what boys do" and then suddenly expect them to become men while still treating them as though they are five. These boys usually do not find a mentor, or if they do then it's usually too late. They don't open up and ask questions, instead they follow their friend's lead -which generally means drugs, drinking, obscene language, inappropriate movies/t.v. shows/reading material, lack of respect for most adults and a harsh view of women. I'm not saying that all boys who resent their mothers have these qualities, just that their mothers need to realize that they are in charge of their sons first direction in life and solely responsible for his set of morals and view of women. Men who resent their mothers or who are forced to find their own way become players. They are surrounded by a society that will raise them to be men of the world, whether through college or military or a strong work enviorment. Their life is not in jeopardy, merely their character. Most of these men occasionally pursue relationships but always assuming that the women will leave or cheat or use them. The same with "daddy issue" girls, they all lack trust and faith in humanity.
Children need love, they need attention, they need guidance. I once heard a quote that suits the situation well: "When your children are young, listen to the little things that they say so that one day they will come to you with the big things. Why? Because in their mind, they were all big things." That saying rings true with many youth, because the need to feel needed starts very young. They don't just need to be told what to do, they need to be shown an example. Children love their parents, even when their parents screw up as they inevitably do. Children begin to resent their parents when they feel like a burden, forgotten, unwanted, unimportant -that's when they look for the attention that they need elsewhere.
Clearly this does not apply to all families, there are many families that know what is important, whether their family consists of one parent or two, with one child or many. Those children often don't see how lucky they are until they are seven and eight years old, when they develop a strong interest in not just their world, but the worlds of others. That's when they begin to realize how different all people live their lives.
Parenting is a hard, daunting task. A task that leaves many parents frustrated and exhausted beyond repair. It tears apart many marriages and ruins many careers, because it is a career in itself. Simple things to teach their children are still things that need to be repeated constantly. Fathers need to tell their daughters to respect themselves, to be happy, that one day they will meet someone, that they are beautiful and smart and can do anything. These are things that girls need to hear from their fathers, because often times their fathers are their sole example that good men exist in the world. They need to spend time with them, teach them how to fish and take them out on daddy/daughter dates and all those things. Mothers need to do the same things with their sons, to teach them to cook, to respect women, to stay clean, to tell them that they are handsome and smart and to do what is right and that they can do anything that they put their mind to. Parents are almost completely responsible for their children's confidence for the first fifteen to twenty years of their lives. It's vital that they start early.
I admire parents, I think that they are some of the toughest and most loving people on this planet. And for as many sad and desperate youth as there are in the country, there are many more who's mothers and fathers have really gone the extra mile. I hope when I'm finally a parent that my children will be proud of me one day, that I won't fall into the category of the parents who just never understand. All we can do is try, and never stop trying.
Love,
Alice
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