Maybe.

We all do it. We all look back, whether it’s looking back to last year or yesterday, we all look back and wonder what could’ve happened. Is it better that it happened and ended or to never happen and always wonder? There will always be a maybe. There will always be a slim chance that something could happen, there will always be a slim chance that something will go horribly wrong. And sometimes things go wrong, rarely all at once, but it does happen. People who you thought would always be there will let you down, people you love will hurt you, people you barely know can help you more than they will ever know in your time of need. And maybe sometimes all you need is to just push forward and leave it all behind. 

Take care of the people you care about, let go of the people who don’t care about you. People you expect to leave you just might be there after all and the one person you thought you could count on forever will not only leave you but will push you down when you least expect it. Maybe no one is who they seem on the surface. Maybe everyone needs a second glance. Then the bad days keep on coming, but in order to have a good day, sometimes you have to have a bad day. It takes a bad day to recognize a good day, and sometimes it takes many long bad days to show you that maybe, just maybe you’re strong enough to hold on and push through. Bad days that show you who is willing to stand by you and tell you that maybe you’re an alright person after all.

Sometimes you need someone to hold your hand and you just blindly put your hand out and you don’t know who will hold you up. Love doesn’t mean dependency, it means caring for someone no matter what happens to them. But no matter what happens, you have to take care of yourself. You can’t always depend on someone else to listen to your problems or be there for you, but sometimes they will be there anyways. Company doesn’t always mean security, sometimes you feel more alone surrounded by people than you ever will in an empty room because it feels as though no one will ever understand what you’re going through. There is almost always one person who will be there for you when you need them -sometimes it’s just hard to figure out who that one person is. Once you figure that out, you’ll be okay. You learn to accept what you cannot change, with grace instead of grief. You learn that not everyone believes that things will work out and you have to choose to not let them tear you down. You learn to make plans only for today because tomorrow isn’t always a guarantee. You learn that you really can grow past things and learn to be okay with how things have worked out, even if you still wish they had somehow been different. You can’t go back to yesterday because whatever happened that made you wish you could go back has already changed you. You became different than who you were. Which is never a bad thing. You learn that you are stronger than you ever thought you were and that you can make your own way. You might not remember every hello but every goodbye will be seared into your mind, even if only one of you knows it’s actually goodbye.

Anything you do at any given moment will never cease to astound or offend someone. Something as simple from the way you dress to the music you listen to, to your religion or political standpoint can affect what people think. So you might as well just do what you want and say how you feel. You just have to realize who you are and how you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. You will change, and so will your friends, just because you don’t share opinions doesn’t mean you can’t love them -but they might not always be able to handle it. In which case you have to let them go. If they come back then they always cared, if they don’t then maybe they never really did care. We all make mistakes, we’ve all been known to say something that we regret later or that we don’t really mean. Sometimes you have a right to be angry, but you never have a right to be cruel. You are responsible for what you do, not matter how you feel at that moment, so learn to control your attitude before it controls you. Sometimes you have to move forward and let it go, even if it can’t be fixed. Forgiving yourself is different than forgiving someone else. It’s harder. Forgiving other people sometimes means you’re just tired of trying. Forgiving yourself takes time, and sometimes encouraging words from someone who can see the real you even when you can’t.

We all lay there at night sometimes and wonder what would have happened had we said something else, something that would have made everything better or changed how it would’ve happened. But you know what, all of those moments that we want to change even just a little bit were moments that we couldn’t have predicted even if we had tried. So maybe it’s time to just lay back and breathe and realize that whatever happened was bound to happen anyways regardless of how we handled it. Life happens, sometimes you just have to let it happen. 95% of the time, what we’re worried about is in the past or in the future, but at that moment we’re perfectly fine -we’re just thinking too hard. Life is 10% the hand you’re dealt and 90% how you react to it. Futures change and people fade, dream for tomorrow but live for today. This is me, this is all that’s I am, take it or leave it. Everything that has brought me this far has made me who I am, every mistake that I’ve made has shown me who I’m not -and it’s going to take me a very long time to become the person who I want to be. The same for you. Our background and circumstances influenced who we are, but we are still responsible for who we become. The happiest people in the world don’t have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything. So just roll with the punches, love the people that you’re with -and believe that everything happens for a reason.

Love,
Alice